woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
