I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
