I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
