Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He felt like a one man threesome
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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