based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
