i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
