so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
