Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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