Duck Duck Cougar?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
