MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No more Irish car bombs ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This baby is an asshole
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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