There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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