He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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