You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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