I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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