ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was confusing and full of hummus
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
