you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
