And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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