I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
