i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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