They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
