New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
