why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
