he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
