Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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