I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
