Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
