You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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