Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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