Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
