halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
