I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
