Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
