I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
