There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
