Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
