What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We are two peas in an std pod
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
