So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
