a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
