READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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