is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Will exercising make me less horny?
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