either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
