I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
