i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
