So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
