party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
