I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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