have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
