Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
