True but thats because hes a fetus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
