On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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