i permit you to call me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
