I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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