remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
